A Very Metallica Christmas

All the big ones have done it: Bing, Bob, the Beach Boys.

Mariah Carey has arguably done it best. Each year come 1 December, Mariah smiles and sips on Yuletide spirit as her 1994 hit ‘All I want for Christmas is You,’ choke-slams the charts yet again to earn her another sweet dollar. Jeepers, she even has a Guinness World Records title for it.

Well, this year, all I want for Christmas is Metallica. Specifically, a Metallica Christmas album. Leave out some bourbon for Santa, because this idea is totally worth celebrating – metal style.

Seriously, am I the first person to float this genius? I am resisting the urge to google the answer because I feel like I am, so that’s what I’m going with.

Close your eyes and picture it. A slow guitar creep launches into finger-wailing madness as Kirk heralds the new metal-Christmas anthem ‘We Three Kings of Orient Are’.Angles will weep.Next, Lars bashes out his best with the ‘Little Drummer Boy.’ We always knew he could.

And with a voice like syrupy chocolate, James could ‘Go Tell it On the Mountain’and hey, I’d listen. I’d listen real good.

So, dear James, Lars, Kirk and Robert, heed my call. No doubt by year’s end we will have all been good boys and girls, not having been able to go anywhere or buy anything on account of quarantines and coronavirus.

Give us something to look forward to boys. The world will need some Christmas cheer and we all deserve to have A Very Metallica Christmas.

Metallica (James Hetfield) @Birmingham LG Arena 25-03-09 by 6tee-zeven (CC BY 2.0). Photo modified with Christmas decorations by Gertie P.

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